Post 4, Group B: Fear of Failure and By Jacob Bothell

    This weekend I returned to Wichita in order to work with the production company that I have been a member of for 2 years now. The event was a mixed martial arts fight (MMA) at the Kansas Star Casino just south of Wichita. I had somewhat of an odd experience in this particular journey that I have not had in quite a long time: the fear of failure. This fear was odd for me. I am not sure why this particular event made me feel this way, but it did and I would like to understand more about why and attempt to not have that again... because it makes my job REALLY difficult.

    What was it that a stage tech veteran (approaching 10 years) would feel anxiety about? Well this particular show I was to be running 2 jobs that would have me in 2 separate worlds of the production environment; the first was the job of audio for video, and the other is being a PTZ camera operator. The job of audio for video is where I sit in the video trailer and mix/produce the audio that people watching the live stream or pay-per-view hear. This job honestly on its own is exceptionally boring because once everything is setup all there is to do is maybe make adjustments during a video playback or if an announcer gets excited or if you want to make a moment emotionally interesting. The other job takes full attentiveness of the event and what and where the action is happening, and the interesting part of this particular job because it is a PTZ (pan, tilt, zoom) camera I am operating it remotely a.k.a. I am probably 200 feet away from its perspective and am not even in the same room as it which makes situational awareness difficult. So my only info on what is going on in the room is from my and the other cameras... very limited.

    Combining these 2 jobs is actually much more difficult than it may seem; because while I am trying to frame up a shot that the production manager wants I am also attempting to make sure that the audio for the people that are not at the event is still engaging and informative. The interesting part of that is that the times that concentration is required for both of those tasks is exactly the same. For example, think about while 2 boxers are going at it and one begins to corner the other and more or less finish the fight. This is the emotional climax of the action and as such the audio should reflect that (turn up the ambient mics to hear the crowd/ring sounds and keep the announcers levels in check), and by golly the camera should never be pointed away from the action because you never know when your camera will have "the shot."

    So I think that I am beginning to understand why my fear of failure began to emerge in this context. It is not because of some sort of stage fright, and I don't think it was because the job was crazy intimidating (mainly because I knew what I would be doing when I agreed to show up). I do think that it was because the job pulled me in a multitude of directions, that while being used to being aware of and being able to be critical of and fix things if I had to, there were simply too many different facets of the job(s) at hand to be able to appreciate and refine enough of them to feel that I was doing an adequate job.

Bojack Horseman and relationships: a look at failed relationships and theraputic partners by Jacob Bothell

    I recently let myself become exposed to a Netflix Original Series "Bojack Horseman." The show consists of a Bob Saget like character, in profession as well as demeanor, that we learn about his life: his complicated relationship with his agent, the 'boy' Todd that lives with him, the biographer that he falls in love with, etc. These characters are brought to life because they have real struggles that people actually face and they deal with it, not always in a healthy manor mind you, while the next tragedy careens their way.

    Through out the show Bojack comes into many external struggles that reflect his internal self. A great example comes about when he accidentally tells his girlfriend that he loves her, yells "NO I DON'T," and runs out of the house. This comedic moment is then followed by his anxiety about how that effected Wanda, the girlfriend, and does not really want to talk about it with her. The next time he sees her she tells him that its ok if he doesn't love her because she doesn't love him. This is a major blow to Bojack's self esteem and worth. He decides that talking about this is to difficult but wants her to change her mind. Through some crazy chain of events he decides that if Wands loves him then she will not let him perform autoerotic asphyxiation because it is dangerous... in the end Wand does give Bojack what he wants, an admission of love, but the story as a whole rings true, minus perhaps the autoerotic asphyxiation unless that's your thing, many people.

The wanting for love stems from a fear of being alone, and this character exemplifies this mainly by making self destructive decisions that gain him temporary affection. His fear is so strong that he puts his own well being aside to gain but a glimpse of what he ultimately wants. This is not the only portion of relationships that he really struggles with. Again and again Bojack finds himself in situations of genuinely needing love and finding that he doesn't have the ability to ask for it or know where to turn to find it. It is interesting to see where he runs to in those times of need. His surface behavior, he hits the bottle or goes for 'meaning less' sex, might fool you into thinking he is a bad person or a pig etc. but this is a man that does not go to find what he needs but attempts to dig it out of himself which ironically drives away the people who were willing to give him what he needed but at the time could not see.

There are occasions though that Bojack makes a good decision and 'invests in someone,' though usually because it is convenient, and it is also interesting to observe who that tends to be. The end of the fourth season leaves us with Bojack learning that he has a half sister, whom he though was his daughter, and the both of them embracing that relationship. This is, as of now, one of the only positive/healthy relationships that Bojack does not seem to constantly be on the edge of ruining. This seems to be in conflict with several articles that I have read that therapeutic relationships are usually not helpful if the two parties are of opposing sexes, hah palindrome, this is not, according to the articles, usually because of possible romantic entanglement or social pressure, but because the people share a common image and view on why their problems are the way they are. Many of the articles so not endorse this because it leads to positive decisions and conclusions, but rather magnifies the problem so that the people then 'hit the bottom' faster and have the ability to figure out their problem together and explore more than one avenue at a time. I'm not sure how the gaining of a sister and subsequently a therapeutic partner will ultimately change the character and how the two will grow together but it has already changed the character making him a happier person.

Hershberg, Sandra G. "The Role of Gender, Intimate Connection, and Personal Experience in Facilitating Mutual Transformation: A Discussion of Annette Richard's “Journeying Back Home Together”." International Journal of Psychoanalytic Self Psychology, vol. 8, no. 4, Oct. 2013, pp. 471-481. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1080/15551024.2013.796604.

BHATI, KULDHIR S. "Effect of Client-Therapist Gender Match on the Therapeutic Relationship: An Exploratory Analysis." Psychological Reports, vol. 115, no. 2, Oct. 2014, pp. 565-583. EBSCOhost, doi:10.2466/21.02.PR0.115c23z1.

Gehart, Diane R. and Randall R. Lyle. "Client Experience of Gender in Therapeutic Relationships: An Interpretive Ethnography." Family Process, vol. 40, no. 4, Winter2001, p. 443. EBSCOhost, proxy.library.umkc.edu/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=5886290&site=ehost-live&scope=site.

Post 2, Group B - Adolf how it works by Jacob Bothell

             Recently I had the amazing opportunity to work with a man named Pip Utton. He is a ‘fringe’ actor that tours around the world doing productions that involve impersonating a historical figure. When he visited Kansas City at the Metropolitan Ensemble Theater under the Central Standard Theater Company he performed three different pieces: ‘Maggie,’ ‘Bacon,’ and ‘Adolf.’ The last of these productions was not only awe inspiring and beautiful, because of his talent, but also quite terrifying.

The show opens with Pip dressed as Adolf Hitler speaking to the ‘higher ups’ of the German government telling them that the invasion of the Ally powers is imminent and they should probably go into hiding so they can continue their work elsewhere. The next portion Hitler is speaking to the ‘lay man’ of Germany informing them of the invasion and telling them that they should stick together but we understand if you cannot. Then the play takes on an odd turn; Pip takes off his costume (wig, moustache, and jacket); gets a beer from a plant, someone who he put there to perform the task, in the audience; acquires a cigarette from me; and has the tech, me, turn off the light on the Nazi banner. Aside from the audience being very confused, trying to determine if the show is over or not, they are put into a state of comfort with Pip being himself. At this point Pip begins to talk about current affairs and politics and the ‘current state of things.’ From my perspective I see the script say “IMPROMPTU” and the next line saying “Kill the Jews, kill the blacks […]” and I have no idea how he is going to get to that nor what its purpose in the production is… His point is to show that the confusion/comfort paradigm that the audience is now experiencing is much like Germany was feeling in the 1930’s and the current events/fears of the time are somewhat similar (unknown future, seemingly poor living, unhappiness with current government) and they can be bent and shaped, very easily, into the same thoughts as Hitler much to the horror of the watching audience.

I think this play is an interesting look from multiple perspectives but the one of manipulation and how can it be achieved to such extreme ends. I think a different view from the conventional of Hitler’s rise to power is in order first. It is enumerated by Graham Darby in “Hitler’s Rise and Weimar’s Demise” that the government of Germany at the time, the Weimar Republic, was not really in danger of collapse at the point of the Nazi ‘revolution’ though it was vulnerable and that the publications of the Nazis had little to do with their rise. Their rise according to Darby, and I agree with this, is that Hitler was telling people what they wanted to hear but more than that they were not a part of the Republic that the public felt had failed them on multiple occasions. And to tie this to Pip’s production he did not really do anything extraordinary, other than impromptu the shit out the performance, but he took the current thoughts and told people that he wanted to do something and he was going to do something that was NOT what was currently being done. And that seems to be the interesting way that he was able to manipulate the entire audience. And here in lies the HOROR of the situation. From the infiniteness of things that can be done about a situation an extremist must simply not be what the current course of action is…

Darby, Graham. "Hitler's Rise and Weimar's Demise." History Review, no. 67, Sept. 2010, pp. 42-48. EBSCOhost, proxy.library.umkc.edu/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=53995851&site=ehost-live&scope=site.

Post 1, Group B: Willy Wonka and Murder Castle

Fears really dominate our every move. So apparently does our subconscious that really just wants to have a penis (or rather fear of losing one). This idea has been the staple of our film culture for so long that there are even certain jokes or nuances that are built into movies that cannot be understood without it. I would like to focus on the fear that is brought upon in the movie of “Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” Not usually on the list of scary titles for most people but believe me there are some intense moments that bring suspense together with fear but are then wrapped up in a package of candy and brightly colored little men to make it more palatable.

                First let us discuss the movie for just a moment. I will not bore you with the details of the story line just to fulfill a word count, but rather let us discuss what we see Willy Wonka, deftly played by Gene Wilder, do to the other characters in this story and then the unknown that they are passed into. These children and accompanying parents ‘win’ tickets and then willingly step into Willy Wonka’s personal version of Murder Castle, a group of buildings that were specially designed by H. H. Holmes to murder people during the 1893 Chicago World’s Fair, where they do not know what will happen. It is perfectly established in the first scene of the factory that “[t]here’s a little surprise around every corner, but nothing dangerous” a promise that we clearly see does not ring true as all but one of the children and even one of the parents, Mr. Salt, are most likely dead by the end of the movie. The situations these people are placed into and then run afoul of are depicting various virtues and showing how not to raise a child into them… sure, but isn’t it interesting that Wonka does nothing to try and stop them in fact he almost encourages them with his sarcastic “No don’t” that he occasionally sends their way, and then once the atrocity is set upon them he offers ‘help’ to fix it.

There are some interesting horror film tropes built into the making/cutting of this production. In particular the music and the camera angles really drive this home. The music… well what is there to say it is classic horror. Even the ‘happy’ songs have dissonance, notes causing tension, that make you feel that there is something wrong with the situation. The intense moments use music that could have easily been from Halloween or The Shining in that it brings your hair on edge and you almost do not want to watch with the horrors brought before you. The camera angles however can be somewhat tricky to nail if you were not paying close attention because they are subtle. They help express who is really in charge and who the victim is. You can even tell, though it is easier from the story line, who will be the next victim because if you look those characters are always lit from slightly different angles than everyone else usually it is a low angle casting rings around their eyes and highlighting their teeth, which ultimately makes them look like they are dead already.

Why is any of this interesting or important? Let us look at when this movie was produced, 1971, this is when the stranger danger movement was big in the United States. And what is the first thing that comes to mind when stranger danger is mentioned a man in a van with candy… a Willy Wonka type if I have ever seen one. So I suppose to really bring this home I believe that “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” is a frankly horrific stranger danger film that teaches not just children but also parents.

Bonus: Are weddings still important?!? by Jacob Bothell

This is actually a topic that I have discussed and argued with my parents before. They hold somewhat traditional values about the subject in that they believe that marriage is the bonding factor between a couple, and living together i.e. sex (don’t kid yourself please) is to be saved for after marriage. I believe that is true, but (everyone has one) I do not subscribe to the idea that a physical ceremony nor the legal papers between two people are what keep those two people together...

Let me explain something about my view point. It comes from being brought up in a church, and I love my Jesus, but questioning and reasoning everything out on my own to form personal opinions. My ability to give my opinions/beliefs appropriate rigor has only become stronger as I grow as a person and a believer. With that context in mind I say this once you bring yourself and a partner into a real relationship (see my note on what that phrase means to me at the end) and present it before God. Those two people are now one and cannot separate/break up/divorce for very many reasons, even biblically there are reasons why a woman/man is allowed to leave their spouse, and whether or not they have been to a ceremony and signed paper does not change that. I believe that the ceremony does change something in the relationship though because you are publically proclaiming that the both of you are in a committed relationship and they can and most will hold you accountable to the vows that you spoke. And that last point is the important part. This ceremony is not for you it is to tell everyone else what you are doing and allowing them to be a part of it in some way.

Now to speak of the ceremony. Does it need to cost lots of money? NO. Have everyone show up in some nice clothes that they already own, it is after all a momentous and special occasion, and have everyone show up to your back yard or house/apartment or maybe a friends barn for heaven’s sake. If you can afford it have a party after word to celebrate it, but by no means is there ANY reason you have to spend the money on a crazy dress and a venue for the ceremony/party. A thought did just occur to me and I suppose it is somewhat a romantic notion. If you were to use clothes that you wear already and will continue to wear wouldn’t that just remind you of the commitment and the fun of the entire thing every time you wore even the socks of that outfit?

A little bit on the romance thing. Do I believe that there is one and only one person that will complete me and make me feel special? Absolutely not. There are 7,598,435,970 people on this Earth, according to this counter, and there is surely at least a few people that would jive well with my personality. So if you were wondering if I am a romantic, even after that last sentence, I am not.

I think the concept of marriage is special and the ideas behind the commitment are important. The ceremony is to show others the commitment you are making because you and your spouse and God already know what you are.

*Real Relationship – this is where two people have decided they are going to share a life together. This includes physically, emotionally, and spiritually. They share geography, but not necessarily think someone going to another country to earn money to bring everyone else along. They share burdens and joys; this might include financial, sexual, social attributes. And they share a walk with God into eternity.

In Class Assignment, Dobby the House Elf Runs By Jacob Bothell

I really like scary things: movies, pictures, Halloween houses, etc. They are actually thought to be good for you for several scientific purposes (increased heart rate, being able to face fears in a ‘safe’ environment, self-awareness to name a few) but I just enjoy being afraid and the feeling of triumph of being alive after the scary event. I like these things so much that I intentionally try to induce night terrors, scary dreams, by eating spicy foods thinking about certain things before bed and other home ‘remedies’ that are said to help bring scary dreams up. A recurring dream of mine that instilled fear on every occurrence was of Dobby the house elf from the popular movie title Harry Potter. He would crash into my second story bedroom window and run through my house and for some reason I would follow him. He then proceeded to jump out of a second story window of my house and without thinking about possible consequences I blindly follow him. Then I would find myself dead/paralyzed at the bottom of the drop where there just happened to be a pad of concrete and I would see this from a birds eye view. Occasionally my body would be missing from the picture all together and simply a chalk outline of me would exist on the concrete. And that is where the dream ended. Sometimes I would wake up sometimes it would remember it when I woke up later and other times it would go on repeat until I woke up… those were the worst.

What does this mean... only a trained psychologist could take a guess at. The thought of Dobby has never frightened me and death has never been something that I really fear, this is because of my religious beliefs probably, but perhaps I was afraid of the running/physical exertion in the dream… probably what it is. Interestingly enough the dream stopped occurring somewhere around the time that I read the seventh book where, spoiler alert, Dobby dies. That, I think, allowed him to live in the past and the movie to be just a remembrance of him. He no longer lived in the real world, not that he did I guess, and he physically could not be somewhere. Who knows though.