This weekend I returned to Wichita in order to work with the production company that I have been a member of for 2 years now. The event was a mixed martial arts fight (MMA) at the Kansas Star Casino just south of Wichita. I had somewhat of an odd experience in this particular journey that I have not had in quite a long time: the fear of failure. This fear was odd for me. I am not sure why this particular event made me feel this way, but it did and I would like to understand more about why and attempt to not have that again... because it makes my job REALLY difficult.
What was it that a stage tech veteran (approaching 10 years) would feel anxiety about? Well this particular show I was to be running 2 jobs that would have me in 2 separate worlds of the production environment; the first was the job of audio for video, and the other is being a PTZ camera operator. The job of audio for video is where I sit in the video trailer and mix/produce the audio that people watching the live stream or pay-per-view hear. This job honestly on its own is exceptionally boring because once everything is setup all there is to do is maybe make adjustments during a video playback or if an announcer gets excited or if you want to make a moment emotionally interesting. The other job takes full attentiveness of the event and what and where the action is happening, and the interesting part of this particular job because it is a PTZ (pan, tilt, zoom) camera I am operating it remotely a.k.a. I am probably 200 feet away from its perspective and am not even in the same room as it which makes situational awareness difficult. So my only info on what is going on in the room is from my and the other cameras... very limited.
Combining these 2 jobs is actually much more difficult than it may seem; because while I am trying to frame up a shot that the production manager wants I am also attempting to make sure that the audio for the people that are not at the event is still engaging and informative. The interesting part of that is that the times that concentration is required for both of those tasks is exactly the same. For example, think about while 2 boxers are going at it and one begins to corner the other and more or less finish the fight. This is the emotional climax of the action and as such the audio should reflect that (turn up the ambient mics to hear the crowd/ring sounds and keep the announcers levels in check), and by golly the camera should never be pointed away from the action because you never know when your camera will have "the shot."
So I think that I am beginning to understand why my fear of failure began to emerge in this context. It is not because of some sort of stage fright, and I don't think it was because the job was crazy intimidating (mainly because I knew what I would be doing when I agreed to show up). I do think that it was because the job pulled me in a multitude of directions, that while being used to being aware of and being able to be critical of and fix things if I had to, there were simply too many different facets of the job(s) at hand to be able to appreciate and refine enough of them to feel that I was doing an adequate job.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
-
Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory was a very confusing movie, it was hard to understand the true meaning of everything that...
-
The kitchen has long served as more than just a functional piece of the home, developing i...
-
Bad Match is a 2017 psychological thriller filled with a lot unexpected turns and shocking realities for millenials. The film st...
I feel that the fear of failure is the bi-product of caring about a particular situation with the desire for perfection and your overall reputation. Part of this comes from having passion of what he or she may be involved in. Although you may feel that the task at hand may be boring to others, you still feel that you are required to meet the expectation of other as well as your own. In my opinion, I think that fear is natural and should be embraced!
ReplyDelete-Rob D
I would say everybody has a fear of what they are trying to face and it is normal. It all depends on what the people can do to handle a situation. Sometimes you cannot let fear get into your head; sometimes you got to fight for it just to get it out of your chest because if you don’t, people will think you’re crazy or mentally ill. I think the best way to let your fear out is to talk to someone who you trust or someone you’re bonding can help you out.
ReplyDelete-Kendra ZeMenye
Failure is almost always a constant fear. This is partially because the pressure to succeed is everywhere. As you said you don't want to miss the perfect shot with the camera and likewise you also don't want to miss the incredibly important audio that keeps your viewers on the edge of their seats. Both of these added to the growing pressure of the position and the responsibility that comes with failing. Failure commonly has been reproached as a highly negative aspect of life, however with failure comes the best learning experiences and without it we would seemingly already know everything and be able to do everything. Plus the pressure I'm sure added to the excitement on your end and is most likely a reason why you keep doing what you do.
ReplyDelete-Alan Donoho
I understand exactly what you mean. I work at with the sick and elderly and every time I get a fill-in or go see someone I am not a regular to I get really nervous, not because I can’t do my job but because I don’t want to disappoint the patient I am seeing. I want to do it to my best ability. Once I worked at 12 hour overnight shift and had never done that before, I was so tired and not mentally there that I felt horrible like I was failing at my job. I needed to feel reassured in myself so I wouldn’t fear myself.
ReplyDeleteI think the fear of failure is definitely relatable to most people. I think your particular experience you recounted here is pretty original because many people don't know all the work that goes into production (at least I don't). That made it interesting to read your post- it definitely seems challenging to do these two jobs at once. It's understandable why you'd be scared of failing even if you are usually confident in your abilities. That's great you still went for it, though, I think it's important for us to push ourselves a bit. I am a musician and I often find myself getting nervous right before going on stage. The hours beforehand I'm fine, but as I'm standing there tuning my guitar I start to feel it in my stomach. It's natural but also a good thing because it pushes us to do more.
ReplyDelete- Bailey West